Monday, November 30, 2009

Weddings, Marriages, and Roses

I have caught Vicky watching some show on We network where this guy helps brides plan their wedding. I either change the channel to football or sit there and watch it with her cause she wants to watch it.

This guy takes what they have already done, which most of the time is hideous, and creates this lavish experience out of it. They have party favors, decorations, the dress and maybe a location. Most of the time this guy takes what they have done and takes the essence of it and then trashes the rest. He helps them pick out a dress that is perfect for the particular bride. He helps them pick bridesmaid dresses, plan the ceremony, and plan the reception. It turns into these lavishly incredible weddings.

We were watching one last night where the bride originally had a couple roses on each table. The planner plastered the reception room with roses. They were everywhere. I think they had over 30 varieties and dozens upon dozens upon dozens of roses flown in from Columbia to New York. They spent more on flowers for the reception than we did on our entire wedding.

It is not uncommon these days to have a wedding that costs in the tens of thousands of dollars. There are months of planning, massive amounts of debt that is accumulated, dozens of people working toward one goal of making a one day event to celebrate a wedding.

I think its interesting that we are willing to put months into planning, thousands of dollars of investment, and coordination of dozens of people to make one day happen. What would happen if when the marriage gets rocky we put that kind of energy, effort, and money into saving a marriage. I know someone who I know spent a significant amount of money, time and planning into a beautiful wedding day. Less than a year later they are getting divorced. I know for myself when in my own marriage we have faced hard times the level of effort I was willing to put in looked nothing like the effort put into making those wedding days happen on that show.

Maybe by some standards I can seem like a good husband. Most of the time though I am selfish, show love the way I want to receive it instead of the way I know will speak to Vicky, I watch too much sports, I am on the computer too much and countless other things that I do that don’t move our marriage forward.

I am trying to turn over that leaf. I am trying to do better. I am trying to love, honor, and cherish more. Am I even doing a good job at that? I don’t know. It would be better to ask Vicky. At this point if she said yes it would probably to just protect me in your eyes. I want to be able to have her bring it up without people even asking. I want her to brag on me with random people. I want to give her a husband that she is proud to be with. I want a marriage where we both make each other better.

I think if people put a quarter of the energy, effort, work and resources into their marriage as that guy puts into those weddings on TV the divorce rate in this country would be negligible.

Let us be a people that care more about the marriage than the wedding.

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